The Longer Crowbar Articles

Interview with Dr B on Commun…n Skills for Business and Life

Andrew Anderson 00:00
Hello, Andrew Anderson welcome longer crowbar. And today I have the pleasure of interviewing Dr. B or having a chat with her. I don’t think this is going to be an interview. So why don’t you tell our viewers what you can help them with first.

So don’t help them with everything. I mean, based on what not everything, I don’t want to help with everything. Because I do believe that most people are not most people. But all people are perfectly capable of handling stuff in their own life. So I do believe that and they are. But what I help people do is leverage emotional intelligence in everything, every aspect of their life, whether it’s trying to order a Starbucks or trying to negotiate the biggest deal of their life. Right? So communication skills are essential in any business across the board. Okay,

Andrew Anderson 00:55
so I know what you do, they don’t know yet. And you’re gonna be in for a treat. So when you’re talking about improving communication skills, and emotional intelligence, I think you mentioned that, okay, let’s communication skills. Like if I’m a businessman, or a businesswoman, and I improved my communication skill, give me an example of what the result of that is going to be. And then give me a quick example, or give us an example of like, how do you do that? Because I’ve seen you do before. It’s amazing. I know, when a conversation we had earlier this week, I can tell you what that is. But we’re talking about dislike if you’re going into enter negotiating that contract, let’s say yeah, and the other person, when you’re talking, you think like you’re talking at them, what are some of the things that you can do to help figure out what the other person is trying to say, so you can get what you want, and help them get what they want.

Right? Okay. So most of our communication is actually not what we’re saying, but a lot by how we’re acting, our body language, being one of them, but not necessarily the person’s body language, who you’re speaking to, you could be in a conference room with 10 others, right? Like you could be speaking with the main guy, but they have all of their best in the room. So one thing that I learned from working in biotech was that our collaborations we call interdisciplinary research. And those are hard negotiations, right? It’s because we’re trying to work with engineers, we’re trying to work with biologists, molecular biologists, we’re also working with people who specialize in AI, and data sciences. And then we also have our business development teams and our marketing experts. And so what happens is, everybody comes in the room and just starts speaking at each other using their own language, which gets very confusing.

Number one, everybody ends up feeling very confused. But the other part is that then they’re receiving the information based on who they are, rather than based on who the person is speaking. So if I’m speaking to an engineer about something, instead of using my words, I want to use their words. So there’s one tip that you could take all the way to the bank, right? Because when people feel understood, guess what, that also builds rapport, and it builds trust. And it also facilitates the ability to bring out a better deal. So you may be going in thinking, oh, I want this, this and this. And, you know, I just got to get them to agree to this, this. And this, when you may actually strike a better deal. Because you’re able to listen and observe, not from within your own head. But from within there. Right? If I’m speaking with an engineer, and I think about what he’s saying, based on who he is, and not who I am, well, then I might be able to see where we could maybe improve even what he’s kind of thinking. Okay, that makes sense.

Andrew Anderson 03:48
All right. And so what I’ve found is that, if it helps you in business, those things, if you apply him also help you relationships and dealing with other people. So why don’t you give us an example of

that? Oh, absolutely. So one of my favorite things that I use, and this works on teenagers also. So I don’t know how many of you guys in the audience have teenagers. But note this using any type of question other than asking why tends to work pretty well. And also assuming that other people are capable of doing their job or doing their tasks, right, like we raise our kids up, giving them tours, increasing the number of responsibilities that they have, but then when they’re doing something that’s out of alignment with the behavior that we like to see. We’re like, why didn’t you do this? Or why did you do that? Instead of saying, Hey, I thought I asked you to take out the trash 20 times. Why didn’t you take out the trash? Instead of doing that one? I assume the best Okay, so these look these are really good tip so bright enough. Assume the best assume that they are perfectly capable and you know they’re capable because you taught I’m going to do the thing, right? So assume that they’re going to do the thing. And then to just say, what’s your plan for doing that thing? So instead of saying, I want to ask you 100 times, I just say, hey, my youngest daughter is Lou, I would say, Hey, Luke, what are your plants for taking out the trash? Before we go to cheer practice? And then it’s like, it’s not me telling them what to do. It’s me, implying one that they’re competent enough to do the task. See, when we go behind them, and we do the task for them, we’re actually saying that we don’t believe that they can do it. That’s the message is actually sending, right we think we’re helping them as a parent, or we think we’re helping them as a boss by doing their job. But really, what it does is it sends the message that we don’t think that they’re capable of doing that thing. Ah,

Andrew Anderson 05:53
okay, then. So, I’m gonna go back to your question to Lou, and that you totally reframed it, so she couldn’t get defensive. No, she had to think, like, how am I going to do this? And so that it totally changed. It’s like, it’s yeah, it’s like the ear flick when you’re working with animals almost. No, when you talk to them, they just stop what they’re doing it?

Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, it assumes that when they’re competent enough to do that, and to it gives them power control. Like nobody likes to be told what to do. Yeah, I hate you. Right. Nobody likes

I’ll do the exact

Andrew Anderson 06:29
opposite, right? Even though I know it’s in my best interest to do it. If I said, Hey,

Andrew, and your thing is website. Thing is whatever I say, hey, you know, I’m feeling pressured from whatever, to have my thing done. And I say, hey, Andrew, I know you’re working so hard on this thing, right? And I like super appreciate it. But like, and not, but I don’t like to use but I use. And, you know, What, did you ridiculous for me to ask if we could have it done. But like, I don’t know, 445? Because I had to go live at five. But I want people to be able to click the button. And you’re like, yeah, like, because I said, Well, this is like another thing. Because I said, is it ridiculous for me to ask you? Most people would rather say no. Because no feels empowering. No. Feels like I didn’t sign myself up for something. So I ended up getting the answer that I want. Which is Yes. Only I got it in and out. It’s not ridiculous for me to ask you. Oh, I

Andrew Anderson 07:26
get that part. Alright. Yes. You get to say no, that’s

not ridiculous at all. Yep. And

Andrew Anderson 07:31
then sleek, as long as you paid me $1,000 A page for this. We’re good to go. I’ll get it done by 440. Yep. Yep.

Actually, you know, it makes them think about it. But it gets, but it gives you the power. It does. And I’m not it doesn’t feel like you’re being so much put on the spot where it’s it feels more like, I’m putting it in control of you. It’s your job. I’m assuming you’re doing your job. I’m not saying you’re not. I’m saying hey, I know we’re already doing this thing, you get to think about where we’re at in the project. And is that a feasible option? You also could say actually, yeah, it’s a little bit, you know, like, maybe I can’t get it done by then. But I could probably have it done by, you know, twice 30, you might say, even 530, which or whatever it is, whatever the case may be, but the point is, is that it makes them think about it and what I want in any negotiation, and not just negotiate everything is a negotiation. So you don’t need to know how to negotiate or talk to people if you never talk to people. But I don’t know anybody who never talks to people.

Okay, I’ve tried that for a while doesn’t work. Oh, no, it doesn’t work like you. I mean, you got to order a Starbucks.

I mean, most of the stuff we can do on our apps, it and honestly, I prefer to disorder, my servers on that. But sometimes it’s good just to and I tell people to do this to practice these kind of like low stakes situations. Try it with your teenagers. You know, see how that goes. Try it when you’re at Starbucks, and maybe your coffee wasn’t quite quite right. Leveraging emotional intelligence actually creates more wins. And so that’s what I teach is, I teach people to create more wins, make more wins where you win. It’s you winning not at their expense. Right, winning

Andrew Anderson 09:22
with them. Yeah. So they feel good about the wedding. Yeah, it’s in their best interest. So of course, they don’t teach us in like schools, anywhere that I’ve ever even heard of. Yeah, and yet, it’s probably one of the most valuable skill sets you can possibly have because it’ll change again, oh, it comes about health, wealth and happiness. Yeah, it’ll it’s gonna change your relationship with your significant other is going to change your relationship, whether you run around all day, whether you’re P owed, because the cashier didn’t do what you thought they do or do get bad service. I mean, so you’re not just this raisin that’s pent up And it’s all because you’re not taking control of it and using emotional intelligence. Right?

Right. Well, and there’s the other part is, well, the two points there. They definitely don’t teach you this in school. And I can tell you that because I spent my entire life in school. Okay, stop.

Andrew Anderson 10:16
So I didn’t purposely you’ll notice what my guess because I want to show you why you want to listen and watch these videos or listen to the podcast by what is he gonna get out and you? So tell us about how you got here because you’re smart. And you were like, I’m really into education you got so yeah, and you’re a accomplished beautician to which I held on high esteem. So give us your background. Okay.

So real quick, I actually was raised in hair salon, like my mom. I’m like this fourth or fifth generation of hair stylists. So my mom as a kid, like we had the salon in our house. So it was pretty crazy. Because as a kid, I hated it. Because everybody talk about teenagers knew my business. And they only knew Guess whose side, my mom didn’t get my side of the story. They got hurts. So I had to learn. What I appreciate now was that because of that, I was actually raised not by one mom, but by a tribe of really brilliant women who contributed so well to my, like, just so much to like, my upbringing and everything. And I’m so grateful for them. And they stood by me forever, like, not me, per se, but like my mom, and then my own clients that later I ended up doing hair. And then I did hair while I went to school. So because I was very successful very quickly doing here. I was like, Well, I’m working three days a week, and I’m making pretty great money. I have a great schedule. I have two kids who are now going to school, our oldest son, he was going to school full time, too. So like, I have a few hours, maybe I could go and work on my degree.

So at the time, I thought I just finished my associates because I had this thing about not leaving business unfinished, right? When I set out a goal, I would say I never fail. And I don’t mean this in an arrogant way. I mean, this inner, I don’t quit kind of way. If I set out to do something, then I do the thing. I finish it. Right. So I just went back thinking Let me just get this done. But that was the craziest our first semester because with intention, as we all say it follows disruption. Yeah. And that was the most disruptive, one of the most disruptive moments. So this is hired Associate Degree. Yeah, that was first semester going back to to work on your married, married three kids house, white picket fence, all this stuff. And what was crazy is I tell people, I help you get everything that you ever wanted as quickly as possible. Because what that does for you, is it makes you in a position or puts you into a position where you can dream bigger. Oh, yeah. Where are you accomplish all of those things. It was like, here I am. I have everything that I ever wanted. I had the husband, the three kids, a dog house white picket fence on the water, booming business. I mean, I was killing it. And I was like, 24

Andrew Anderson 13:18
Wow, did you have chickens and pigs? We had

chickens. Actually, we did have a pig at that house. I had a horse. A couple not at that house. But at the time I’d had a horse. That was super fun experience. I was everyone needs to do that. No, I I did do a funny thing. Where I bought a horse and I didn’t tell my husband. I mean, I sorry. Hold on. I told my husband. I didn’t. That was funny. So I was like, well, baby. Does he think it was funny, though? Yeah.

So here’s where the negotiating part comes in. Okay, like, oh,

sorry. Yeah, so

the negotiating. I was like, well, babe, we said that if it was less than $1,000 that we don’t ask, we both work hard. We

vote being a lot of money. It was less than $1,000 on

Andrew Anderson 14:07
wood that doesn’t include the monthly maintenance and everything else.

Makes sense to listen. But the

funnier part of that would like for his side. Two days later, there was a new boat in the driveway. Hey, I said nothing.

Like yes, let’s go for a boat ride.

Andrew Anderson 14:27
The emotional intelligence on boats. Like

yeah, like we got this. We got this. Now we’re at 60 You know,

upper 60s Or

Andrew Anderson 14:38
you didn’t have to teach him he picked us up by osmosis. Just I

mean, it was draining Right. Like, you know, it’s like training any AI right? He’s got real,

real life experiences. Cool. I

mean, yes. I, you know, I’m not married to run a marathon. So I feel like now I need to clarify because I am also a scientist and I don’t want

people to think I’m a real person. I’ve been Don’t buy like me. But now you’re gonna go up to him and like, make sure it’s like, you know, he’s like, it’s not like robot arms and they’re like, no, he’s.

Yeah, yeah. Or we’re rabbit hole

Andrew Anderson 15:12
work. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. So, okay, so we just got your associate degree. So you tackle that that thing’s gone. That was yeah, you’re, you’re doing the happy.

Go and you go for transfer are you know, then I go over to Old Dominion University where I ended up getting all of my degrees, I ended up getting a bachelor’s in biochemistry with a minor in biomedical engineering. And then I did a master’s in chemistry. And I did a PhD in biomedical sciences, with the concentration in bio electrics.

Andrew Anderson 15:46
Oh, cool. So you just do once you hit those stairsteps, you just kept on running.

Yeah, well, I just, you know, I thought like, especially that first semester with everything kind of being as crazy as it was. I got an I got A’s. Cool. So when you do well, it’s like, okay, well, I guess I can guess. Keep going. And yeah, like you just keep going. And then it was like, Well, I really do like this research thing. Yeah. And I yeah, I just, I just kept going. And, and my research was like, super awesome. Because the sounds the sounds crazy, I didn’t really write. But in my research for my PhD, I used electricity to kill tumors, and study the immune response. Cool. It was wild, because like, you treat the tumor with electricity, and then for five minutes, and then you take the electrodes away, and it looks exactly the same. But like, in a couple of days, the tumor dogs, it’s all jacked up, it’s gone. No like it like dyes that like starts looking like a scab, right. And so what happens, like really cool, really powerful. So it’s kind of sending these mechanisms and the immune response as being part of that. And what we saw is that the, the way that the electricity worked was it was telling the cancer cells to die. But it was also telling the immune system, hey, there’s cancer are here. And how we know that is because then I would try to start cancer again. And I was using a mouse model, and they would reject it.

Andrew Anderson 17:20
Wow. So the immune system was like ready to rock on it just right.

So it activated the immune system to help take it apart. There was no scarring either. So it was really like, I know, it was like really wild and amazing. And then and then what that said is that the immune cells also main memory, so kind of like how when we get vaccines as a kid, the point is that we tell our immune cells, hey, this is a bad thing. If you see this, make sure you go get that before it causes us to get sick.

Andrew Anderson 17:50
So can I ask you a question? I may be totally off here. So let’s say the immune cells, remember how do they remember is that mRNA or RNA or they have proteins are What? What?

So they have they have proteins, right? And so there’s immunoglobulins, they’re the type of protein, but basically, they build these receptors that recognize the antigen. So they’ll go through the body, and then if they detect it, they’ll make more. Okay, right. There’s, I mean, that’s the least complicated way that I think most people would.

Andrew Anderson 18:24
Cool. Yeah. All right, fun stuff. So you’re got your PhD. And then what made you transition to the like, Hey, I’ve got this cool thing that I tried with my husband, and it worked on him. And then he did it on me and it worked with the horse in the boat. And then oh,

yeah, like, wait.

Andrew Anderson 18:44
Oh, I really have proof. Proof of Concept Cobos and tells you so. And then obviously, as you previous discussions, you use this as you’re going through with I remember you had a professor that we may or may not have the name that you use this on. It’s a little emotional, I think, emotional jujitsu, where he used their energy to turn it around and help both of you, right? It’s not a it’s not a like, I get what I want. Therefore, I win, rah, rah rah, right?

No, it’s way more about everybody actually feeling like they went. Now what I tend to find is that people who say like, we want to win win, like they’re so fake C’s, they’re just trying to get out of the room. Okay? Because no, I’m serious. People who who want everybody to win, they want to take the time to assess the situation, so that they can come at it with an approach that everybody actually feels good. Because that’s winning, right? Like, that’s when the team feels like they won when they participated on the team. Yeah, right.

Andrew Anderson 19:48
So that that just brings up to some of the me and this may not work for you, but I’m gonna ask you guys so whenever somebody says, Let me be honest with you, or we want to have a win win or If they’re wearing the quote unquote religion on their sleeve, doing it, I always want to run to the flippin Hills because you know that that’s the exact opposite of what they what’s really going to happen. At least that’s been my experience is that?

Yeah, no, I would say that typically. Anybody who says that they’re not a thing. It’s like they got five people behind them to be like,

Andrew Anderson 20:21
yeah. Body language who the people behind

Exactly, exactly. Okay. Yeah. So, so these skills like it’s not just like you can apply them in business. And that was, what I realized is what what was the trend in my like, how did I do this? And like, because I, I just had started doing hair and I was already in beast mode. And I started doing that while I was apprenticing. By the time I had my actual license, and had all the program done. I was already like, boom, are you like doing amazing and opening a salon? Like a like a salon? With my mother? What period of time was that? That was in like, within a two year period period, within two years.

Andrew Anderson 21:07
So you hadn’t had 20 years experience or anything like yeah, just in a couple years. I think Myron golden says, you know, I’ve been doing the same job for 20 years, I have 20 experiences like no, you don’t even know, you learned how to do it in two to four weeks, and you just been repeating that whole thing. So that’s cool.

Yeah. So the point is that that like, yeah, sure, if you want to do a trade, like trades are amazing, because it’s also like an art, you know, like, we need these people to do so

Andrew Anderson 21:31
many people with bad hair out there. Yeah, we need more.

You gotta have you gotta have good hair. Well, so you can imagine me getting dropped off in the middle of the science world, right? Like how much

I go over there. Right? Like,

Andrew Anderson 21:44
you know, you could have set up a home visit right there. Well,

so that’s, that’s what I did is I realized, like, I had all this experience with people with women and, and people and working in business. And I just, I applied those skills to earning my degrees and working with my professors. And then when I had a challenge, like, let’s say, my professor didn’t like who I was working with, like, we didn’t click so well, instead of being like, Oh, he blah, blah, blah. I was like, hold on a second. What’s the skill I’m supposed to learn here? Because I do feel like it’s all about skill. See, the the big thing that they talk about in science is this collaborative spirit. Right. And it’s this ability, I break it down into parts. And I think that that is also what has made things successful is that it’s the skill set to collaborate, right? And then there’s the spirit part, right? Which is your willingness to do it. Right. So they all say that they want to do it, right. But the ability, the skill set, that’s not actually part of the program. So the only way to gain those skills, is if you want to acknowledge that there’s a lack there, and then take the time to work on developing this skill.

Andrew Anderson 23:01
Okay, so you’re picking stuff up practicing on your husband and vice versa? And then how have you get I know you’ve been thinking about this for for a long time? How have you been able to take that and put that so that other people can learn it? What’s your game plan on that? Because you need the service. I mean, I I’m I’m signed up for and, of course ready and everything. Just because I it’s it’s important for everything. If you’re talking to a human and not an AI.

You’re able Yeah, really appreciates man dies. Yeah, sure

thing. Dr. V. Good. Love you too. Yeah.

Andrew Anderson 23:41
So that’s Yeah. So what’s your game plan for living? The everybody out there that’s watching? Yes.

Okay. So like now. So like, I, Trent, you know, I realized that that was the trend that I saw over and over and not just in the hair base, but also in academics, and then in biotech. And so when I decided to do this, it was like, No, this is this is the problem, like, what is this problem? And why am I so good at solving it? Like that’s the thing is a lot of us don’t realize what kind of talent we’re sitting on. Because we just keep going, right? So like assessing that. So going forward, it’s like, oh, my gosh, this, this is where I got that from. And now, this is the only way we’re going to actually change anything is if we level people up with the skill set. Right. And so, I’m creating a course I’m doing a challenge actually doing a five day challenge. And it’s the make more wins challenge. Awesome. So there’s also going to be a book coming behind that awesome and my YouTube channel is started and I’ve just Oh, for those of you who also do a lot of stuff online, maybe if you’re building your own YouTube channel, and a lot of us are working with virtual assistants, right people from other countries, and you can see How having good communication skills can significantly impact that. So part of the curriculum that I teach has to do with leveraging communication with your virtual assistants with your BAS. Yeah,

Andrew Anderson 25:18
it took me a minute, I went through a lot of them, I probably had at least 100 over the years. And then I finally figured out it wasn’t them. That was the issue was,

right. So when the same problem keeps coming up, it’s like, that’s our sign. Like, if you see, like, if you see something more than a couple

Andrew Anderson 25:35
of times, yeah, it’s not that much. You.

Right, right. And my mom used to say this, to me all the time she like to any to all of us, she’d say, she would say that, Oh, you take you with you wherever you go. Like, so you could run from it, but you’re just gonna, you’re taking you there. So chances are, you know, you may end up experiencing something similar,

Andrew Anderson 25:59
that strange noise, those strings with the tin cans are gonna follow you all around to you.

Right? And so I’m like, even with my children, like, they can’t win anything like, oh, you know, like, they like teenagers? Like, all right, Mom, seriously, like, how do I deal with this? And they’ll sit down and tell me all the thing and most like, well look, if they, you know, they broke up with you, or they don’t want to be your friend anymore. Like, let’s listen to what they what did they have to say? What was it like is and then ask yourself? Like, is that true? Does any part of that feel true? And if it is, what can you learn from this? And I think so many of us, we just want to think we don’t want to let ourselves see that we’re not perfect, right? Because I don’t know why. I don’t know. No, I don’t know why. But like it’s like, so we don’t even let ourselves learn the lesson. Because we won’t let ourselves acknowledge that maybe we had a part.

Andrew Anderson 26:55
It’s because you think it’s because it’s so much easier to blame someone else, then God forbid, we have to actually think it sit down and take responsibility for it. And I’m only saying that because I’ve got a whole drawer for those T shirts. I want to burn every single one of them. Yeah, yeah.

Then you don’t learn the lesson. Right? Yeah. So it’s like, actually taking accountability is the best thing you can do for yourself. Like if you really want to level up in life, and you want to accomplish really big things. And teach people through your accomplishments to do the same. Because you’re you’re living that, that example. And so just by just by acknowledging like giving yourself that space, to think about how maybe part of is any of this true. And if it’s not that you’re consciously becoming aware of focusing on the thing, and then making a conscious decision, rather than I’m just going to discredit whatever they said, it can’t be true. So they’re not learning the lesson. Yeah. But if you want to go, if you want to, I like the elevator analogy. If you if you want to go to the next floor, you got to master this floor.

And so that’s why I will keep running into the same experience. Like why do we keep Why did like people who are dating, like, Why do I keep attracting the same loser guy over here? You know, and, and I look, I’m not, I’m not even saying that, but like, why do we keep experiencing that same kind of thing? And, and it’s like, okay, we’ll maybe take what all that was, and dissect that a little bit. And then you can think, Oh, this is the thing. This is a thing. And then we can work on dealing with those skills. So that was the that’s how you, that’s actually how you master anything, anything, any trade, any tool, any relationship, anything.

Andrew Anderson 28:54
So how do you Okay, so you realize that the first thing is taking responsibility? Right?

Okay, deciding which part of that right, like just acknowledging that this is the thing, right? And before you just, you know, before you ditch all of it, really think about that situation and what parts of you could do better? What could I learn here?

Andrew Anderson 29:14
So Mike, my question is a little bit, maybe a more oblique to that, but it’s a so acknowledging that it’s not admitting that you’re wrong, per se, or that you’re wrong that you’re just looking at approaching it from right the incorrect direction or is a better approach from it so you don’t have to feel guilty about it or hey, listen, it’s not like you know, I’m a terrible person and

communicate No, okay, it’s not it’s not about that. It’s about you, you learning the skills to level up because really, that’s what we’re doing in life, right like, hopefully, right like our days are supposed to admire and says like our days are supposed to progressively be getting better and better. It’s not just my Ernie says, this is the Bible like the God says this right. Like God says our lives are supposed to progressively get better.

Andrew Anderson 29:58
Exactly. They’re not You’re not supposed to Before you’re not supposed to be miserable, you don’t have to. Yeah, you don’t have to, like, constantly get your coffee. Well, when you go to the coffee place, because they do it the same thing.

Yeah, right? Well, and if you go in with the mentality of like, I mean, I love using the Bible to which, you know, is not something that a lot of scientists are used to seeing, or hearing and discussing. But like I correlate mathematical equations, even coding, I use all of those as examples to show one how the one, the Bible is actually, in support of that, and how each, let’s say each thing supports the other and how they can apply these principles. Because right now, we’re all in acceptance that science is king, right? Well, actually, God is, you know, learning whatever. But but the science, God used a blueprint to design everything, we’re studying it. Right. And those laws right now, I would say that, that the majority are the consensus is that science is what governs everything, right? They’re not they’re just the laws that we understand that we’re privileged enough to understand that we can also the point is, is that we can also leverage those, use them to our advantage, because principles are principles are principle, they apply in everything right?

Andrew Anderson 31:22
Well, that that comes down to the truth, the truth applies to the same matter, everything else. Hey, and truth doesn’t mind if you question it. No, it’s only things that aren’t true that mind when you question it. And when you find something that you can’t question, you know, that it’s probably wrong. Yeah,

though, you know, Albert Einstein when he had come up with his eagles, MCs, right, right. Okay. All of the scientists community was like, No, you’re wrong. You’re wrong, you’re wrong. And he was like, I know, I’m right. How do you know you’re right? Well, because if I was wrong, it would only take one of you. Right? And there was 100. for it. Yes, exactly.

Andrew Anderson 31:58
Yep. Yeah, that’s correct. And okay, so mosey along here. So how do they find where you are and how to get in touch with you? In case they have to go to the bathroom?

To catch this part? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So yeah, sorry, let’s, let’s get that away. So my formula is the be rude formula. For I know, is that funny? Like, I like it, because it’s like, Wait, are you telling me I gotta be rude to people? Like, no, no, no, no, but it’s catchy and it’s fine. And And so basically, I walked them through the be rude formula for communication. How do you spell rude? Right. Okay, so my name is b dot r u, E. D, PhD. And so my website is there’s no dot it’s b, r u e EDP HD, Doc.

Andrew Anderson 32:47
be rude. Ru Ed Yeah, Okay, gotcha. Yeah. Alright, so go there. Find out more cool stuff like this. Do anything else you wanted to talk about? It seems like I’m missing something big here.

I don’t know. I’d like to talk about everything. Like we can talk about science we can talk about, you know, like, what? Yeah. Mayor? No, don’t talk. No, I’m just kidding. No, no,

Andrew Anderson 33:09
sorry. I just I just interviewed Dan and Laban. And we’re talking about the whole power couple thing. And I don’t want to put you on the spot. But I think you and David you’re hurt her is her husband are kind of a power couple. I mean, I love the dynamics. Like he gets you and you get here and yeah, and vice versa. And I you know, like he’s a really cool dude. Yeah. Oh, got he’s got mad skills and things. Have you guys figured out how to fit together? Because you’re different. But you

like yeah, like, we’re totally opposite.

Andrew Anderson 33:40
It’s like, Yeah, same sort of a different coin, though. It’s weird.

Yang thing like, you know, like, it’s so wonderful because like, I am this very creative, and, but scientific. And I like this, like logic and reason. He also likes the logic and reasoning. But our talents are very complimentary. And this is kind of crazy, because like, he’s a he, he’s first was a debt collector. Right. And so I find that really interesting, because what happened in our road was that he started there. But then he made his own collection company, he learned how to purchase debt. And along with that, like when you talk about leveling up, it’s like, you have to level up with the next skill set. Well, now, it’s crazy how all of those skill sets that he learned and he’s gained, are very complimentary to now where I want to go right, like now and it’s like, wait a second, we combine this here and we combine that what you’ve got the people for this and I’ve got the thing, like it, just boom, yes. I’m so excited.

We’ve never looked we’ve never been more excited. Because I mean, when when you had, you know three kids, and you’re going to school, and like I had to cut back on on doing hair because I was doing the school so basically we were both working two jobs. You know, like he was working like I used to joke like, he’s a he’s a debt collector and a coke dealer. Yeah. And by that, I mean, he worked for Coca Cola. Yeah. So, so I like this is where we lose friends. So we used to joke about that unlikely. Let’s see how long we can know somebody without talking about what we do. Yeah.

Andrew Anderson 35:25
I used to don’t ask people what they do. I mean, I find them interesting. I’ll ask him. I’m kind of curious. Was it like the last thing to do? Because you can always, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what the right. I don’t care if you chew horses or whatever. If you’re a cool person, I want to talk to you.

Yeah. No, it’s funny. Like, it usually is one of the first questions right. Like, in the first in the first meeting that you have with people. It’s like, they always want to ask, what what do you do? Why are you trying to size me up? Yeah, you’re gonna think if I, if I tell you, I do this here, then are you going to think that I’m, like, why are like we don’t need to be doing so like, I don’t like a lot. And I’m like, Alright, we’re not, we’re not talking,

Andrew Anderson 36:01
you should say that you are a tour guide for Alice Wonderland.

You know, I thought about I was starting to write this book called wonder less innovation, because I really think that one of the big issues in innovation is that we’re always wondering about whatever he was thinking. Right? But or not what their feet actually, let me rephrase this. They should be wondering about what they’re thinking. But instead, they’re just wondering what the heck they’re talking about. Right. But if they actually, in their minds, instead of wondering about whatever it is, or saying, from their own perspective, put themselves in the other person’s perspective, and develop the skills, then they would wonder less during the innovation process, because sort of

Andrew Anderson 36:47
like people worrying like, what am I gonna say next? Trying to get all wound up, and they’re not really listening to you? Yeah, though. That’s, yeah, that’s like that, you get that court battle? I think you’re ahead of the game a lot.

Yeah. Are you well, and leave it just leaving space in the conversation in in the boardrooms, and, and really anything like, because sometimes when you just take a moment, and you’re not talking, especially in a deal, that means something, right? If you come to me, and you’re like, okay, hey, I want to sell you this thing for $25,000. And I say, No, that’s too high. And I just say no, I just said,

Andrew Anderson 37:30
Can I can I make an observation on that? Like, what are you going to be thinking? Well, first off, I would never do Rocco like that, right? For some cars, but like it, but but this is a good point. I know you I know, you know this, but the thing is, you You tell them all the good things that are gonna happen by by having the privilege of working with you or buying that thing first, right. And we saw on the iPhone example, this, I’m not gonna mention names or anything, supposedly, a high level expert just fell flat on her face on this. Because you need to be you need to think about and I think, maybe part of what you’re talking about, you need to think about what’s in it for them, first and foremost, absolutely. And then get to your benefit of the benefit to you. But if you’re thinking 90% of the time about how it’s gonna help them, you know, get to x, y, or z or stop the pain or get whatever they want to do.

Yeah, so and this works if even if you don’t want to be an entrepreneur, like, and you like working in corporate or for someone and that’s, that’s your thing. Like, I’m not knocking that either, like, do it is good. Yeah, that jam can be really good. And it can be better if you leverage these skills. So I, one of the ways that I teach people is if you’re going into your boss, and you’re like, I want to raise, what are you going to do for me? That is going to work and getting this right. So if you can paint that picture, like, Hey, I see that there is a need here in our company. And this is how I could solve that problem, how I could fill that gap. Right? If you go and you talk to them and say, Hey, I’d really love to do X, Y, and Z. I think that this is going to make the company X percentage more on, you know, this rate, this rate, this rate, it’s also going to increase our customer retention, and it’s going to increase our talent retention, which is a big thing, right?

And all of this and then they say, okay, so they’re like, yes, yes. So basically, you get them to buy in to the results. Right? I think Chris Voss calls it like forced empathy or something, in a sense, it’s like, it’s like, show them the thing. They don’t actually have it yet. When you make your offer when they say okay, so what do you want? How much do you want for that? And you say why one 20% They’re gonna be like, what this ridiculous totally worrying for the governor’s gonna get 20% And he’s like, oh, okay, would you rather I don’t do it. Wait, no, we want you to do it today. You know, like they want you to do it. They’re like no, because Now, you’re telling me that I’m losing 100%? Okay, I’ll gladly give you the 20. Right. So that’s, that is a skill that is like, I mean, it will. It makes everybody when, of course they want you to do the thing that’s going to make them the significant Nicklaus significant difference in their company. Yeah. Right.

Andrew Anderson 40:21
So if everybody did this, I think this is a you know, I’m biased here. But if everybody did that, their life will be so much easier.

Oh, my gosh, like 100%. Like, you know, one of the funny things I think a lot of people do is they like, and Myron and some other people have said this, like, about shoulds having shoulds. Further, yeah, it’s like you should not, you know, come at me like that. Or you should not honk your horn at me when I didn’t move from the stoplight. It just turned green, you know, like you. It’s like, actually, I’m just giving empathy across the board. I drive the way I feel like, I’m gonna drive I’m considered everybody around me and I look at I look at that part, the communication part the how I treat everybody else, as my job. Everything else is a byproduct. Do you say that?

Andrew Anderson 41:10
Men or women have more difficulty doing this? Because I’ve got my own opinion. But I want to hear yours first.

No, no,

Andrew Anderson 41:17
you don’t think it’s think it’s mutual?

I think it can be. I think it can be anyone. Yeah, that’s my skill. It’s a skill set. It’s not like a women are more empathetic naturally. Okay, fine. If you want to tell yourself that you’re giving your that’s, that’s actually just self limiting beliefs. Anybody can develop these skills, right? It’s a skill set. It’s not it’s not you’re born with it, or you’re not. It felt like I was born with a beat. But really, I wasn’t. I was born into a situation where I had all these women in my life.

Andrew Anderson 41:46
So it was nature and nurture. Right? It was it was oh, that’s cool. Yeah. And then when you’re gonna have your program ready, do you think in the next couple of weeks,

yeah. So I think we’re probably because I’ve, I want to incorporate some of this into the virtual assistant part into it. And also, also with St. CA’s, I think it was called, I don’t want a virtual system. Now. There’s virtual assistants. And then there’s also like an accounting part of this. I know it sounds

Andrew Anderson 42:17
okay. I always I have I have VA s or accountants too. But

yeah, yeah, exactly. That are that. So basically that so one of the things I think a lot of people who want to become entrepreneurs, one of the main hang ups is they’re like, Oh, but I don’t want to deal with all the tech stuff. Like I don’t even know what that would mean. And so like, they don’t want to venture there because they’re right, but they don’t understand how that works. They’re they’re worried about getting in trouble with, you know, their taxes, and how do I do this? And how do I do that? And it’s like, actually, I want someone, one of the CIA’s. So they’re basically like, CPAs, but they’re virtual. And so having like them as part of the program to teach, so not only will I teach them, how to communicate with them, give them access to them, but I’m also going to help them with that. Because I think if we address that concern for people who want to become entrepreneurs, just like, oh, you said that we can handle this. Okay, good, let’s go. Otherwise, it’s like, they don’t want to do it. Because that’s when I think that’s one of the number one hang ups that people who are employed have when they’re on the fence about, do I do my own thing? I’d say, I’d say the other thing is health insurance. Right? We all feel like, oh, we need health insurance. So now I’m gonna try to figure out a way to incorporate that too. Because I really,

Andrew Anderson 43:37
there’s some, there’s, there’s quite a few things out there. Yeah, I ran into I’ll share with you, which is like really inexpensive, believe it or not, that can take care of that stuff. Oh, that’s

great. So like being able to solve, you know, help them, you know, use leverage the communication and build these things, but also for entrepreneurs that are new startups, and in this, this could be for any type of business, but to really help them get that foundation so they can feel like they can

Andrew Anderson 44:04
do thank you like have a like a in masterclasses or anything like go, I could pick this up in like, a couple of hours, just give me a couple ideas, because I can see how this is gonna benefit. You know, like, my company, my relationship to everything and just a couple little things that I picked up from, you’re like, wow, that’s really easy to implement. So I don’t know if you plan on doing that. But I might suggest that because I would zero in on that in two seconds flat, especially if you could give me just, you know, a couple of things that are gonna make make a difference. So yeah,

so I think we’re gonna launch like the five day challenge and then that will actually be the kickoff. This is insider by the way, that will be the kickoff to the bigger picture right

Andrew Anderson 44:41
to expect insider things on Okay, okay.

All right. All right. Leverage.

Okay, I’ve given but up to that point. I am going live on YouTube like my YouTube is about to blow up. I haven’t I haven’t had enough. I didn’t realize see God opens your eyes to the thing right. So like I didn’t realize how many acids I actually had around me and and now I do and so I’ve got the video stuff like it’s going to be good. So going forward starting, I’d say Tuesday, I’m going to be annoying. It’s like there’s gonna be so much me all over the place. You are What a brilliant Brandon pain with pain point media. It was like, I should be seeing so much of you. It should annoy me. And I’m like, Okay, you’re right. You were right with it. So yeah, that’s about what’s gonna happen, but part of that will be pop ups. So talk about those mini classes. I’ll go live and do a topic. Yeah. Cool. So I’ll be doing some pop ups for courses so as he will start following and you know, in joining the, like EQ movement, I guess overdue I don’t

Andrew Anderson 45:47
Yeah, I’ll you know, what I want to do too is an i This is the personal Alexa this public, but I want to make sure we get you on genius, actually blueprint, where if you’ve got a video pop up like that you can have people go in and buy just that video. And I used to just do it. It’s just like buying a book or going to see a movie you’re going to spend, I wanted to go to a movie these days, like 10 or 15 bucks. I’m like,

Look, I’m like, I feel like it ends up about 15 bucks a ticket by the time you bought, you know, you buy the ticket online for I don’t know, 10 lovers, but then they add the search.

Andrew Anderson 46:18
So it’s like $15 Right. So I mean, I would and I’m not suggesting pricing anything, but what we want to do is have that for like pop up videos, things like that. Yeah. Because I, I I’m like, what, instead of entertaining yourself, you want to improve your life, same amount of time and you’re, you know, you’re not going to be disappointed in the movie, then you get to do the stuff and you can make it even better. So that’s cool.

Anyway, I’m very entertaining. If you’re watching my videos, you will be thoroughly entertained. I am I am not your typical, what were those, like, I have a lot more SAS than your typical PhD. And I’m, I mean, I do have service, but I’m not talking about the SAS. Like, that’s the

Andrew Anderson 47:04
hairdresser report coming. Second is a great combo.

You know, it’s it’s good fun. It’s it’s really I’m embracing it. I used to, you know, pray it down. In the science community be like, Okay, be you can’t be excited about this research. That’s, you know, amazing. Just act boring.

Yeah, no, no, I

Andrew Anderson 47:23
wouldn’t do it. I like your approach much better. Alright, anything you want to add? I think I said that a while ago. But this has been fun. So I think

it’s been super fun. And like, this time, he’s like, amazing when y’all need to check out his like all of his other stuff. He’s probably going to play on the DL, find it, find my page. And you’ll also find him too, because he has been instrumental in really so much of me getting this like going and

Andrew Anderson 47:51
cool. Thank you. I will do everything I can I like helping people that have things that can help other people. I mean, in that what we’re supposed to do, yes. It’s so flattering. Yeah, it’s like falling to meet cool people. It’s nice. So thank you very much, Dr. B. It was indeed a pleasure. And everybody do the YouTube things like subscribe and check out the longer We will have a full text of this, believe it or not as well with all the videos. And if you need another access to this, we will help you with accessibility too. So that’s it. Thank you again, doctor. And we’ll talk to you later remember, health, wealth and happiness. The key to gaining it quickly is you just have to get a little bit more leverage and you can move mountains with it. Yeah. Little bit of leverage and you’ve got a whole lot of leverage here that’s definitely wanted for a

while and I want to get I want to give it to them because I want them I want them to have it too.

Andrew Anderson 48:46
Yep. All right. See you later, Chris. Bye bye bye.

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